Wednesday, 23 October 2013

The Future Of Dating

It's often been said that the future of dating lies online. But do you know what? The future is already here! Figures show that 75% of the single population already use the Internet to find a new partner.

And now there are more and more niche sites arising, which allow you to filter down to the right type of person that you would like to meet. Usually, but not always, if you have a number of things in common with your partner, you are more likely to be interested in them and get along. This also applies to religion. For instance if you are a Christian, it is highly likely that you would want to meet another Christian. The same applies to all other religions, such as Hindus and Muslims.

So now you are able to get a lot of the preliminary dating work out of the way! For example, on Dating for Christians UK, all of the members live their lives within the Christian faith, which makes it much easier to find a suitable partner if you too are Christian.

So why not try it now? It's free to search!

Friday, 11 October 2013

10 Tips for Using Online Dating Sites to Find Long-Term Love

Mika Doyle responds to commenters who are sick of reading dating “don’t” lists.

I was excited to see some great conversation happening in the comments of my piece “The Top Three Mistakes Men Make in Online Dating.” Both men and women shared their experiences with online dating and debated over the mistakes and fixes I offered in the piece. Throughout it all, what became most apparent during the discussion is that men didn’t want a “don’t” list. In fact, they’re sick of “don’t” lists. What they really want is some advice on what to do instead.
I hesitated to even write this piece because what people like is far more subjective than what people don’t like. To oversimplify what I mean, let’s take coffee for example. Most people can agree they don’t like scalding hot coffee, but it’s tough to get people to agree on how they do like their coffee. Black? Just cream? Just sugar? A combination of the two? How do you reconcile a trillion different preferences in order to offer men advice on what to do to be successful with online dating?
The reality is that I can’t. All I can do is set some parameters and offer my advice based on my own experiences and hope that it helps at least a few guys out there.
To that end, this is my list “to do’s” for people (yes, people, not just men) who are trying to find a long-term partner using an online dating site:
1. Only use current photos in your profile: One of the most common complaints I hear from men is that women frequently misrepresent themselves in their photos by using old photos (sometimes decades old) or by cropping them in too tightly so you don’t realize they are of a certain body type. Obviously men do this as well; I’ve just heard this complaint more frequently from men than from women.
I used to think this was shallow advice, but it all comes down to honesty. One of the men I met through an online dating site thanked me for looking exactly like my photos because one woman he went on a date with ended up gaining a significant amount of weight since the photos she posted were taken. He told me it wasn’t that he minded she was overweight; he was upset by the fact that she lied to him.
Some people feel posting inaccurate photos of themselves is the only way to get dates because people judge so heavily by appearance. Okay, sure you might get more dates. But are those dates resulting in the relationship you were looking for? If your date is feeling lied to, probably not.
2. Don’t skimp on your profile: I’m just going to say it — filling out your online dating profile is a pain in the ass, especially if you have to take a long quiz beforehand to determine your personality type. Despite this unfortunate reality, you really should set aside a good chunk of time to dedicate to filling out your online profile if you really want to find a compatible mate. Think of it this way: as you’re perusing profiles looking for someone who might make a good match, do you contact the people with hardly anything in their profiles?
3. Be yourself: Filling out those profiles is tough. How do you accurately describe yourself without coming off as arrogant or boring? There’s no formula for this; all I can say is do not try to be someone you think others want you to be. It’s just like posting an inaccurate photo of yourself; sooner or later people are going to realize that’s not the real you, throwing your chances of a long-term relationship out the window.
4. Don’t write a novel: Just as you don’t want to have too sparse of a profile, you also don’t want your profile to be a novel. Respect people’s time by not writing any more than you’d be willing to read yourself. Moderation is the key here; provide enough information to give people a clear snapshot of who you are, but don’t bore them to death War-and-Peace-style.
5. Place critical information at the top of your profile: If you’re looking for something very specific, such as deal-breakers you absolutely want people to know about, place that information at the very top of your profile. Even if they don’t read your whole profile, they’ll at least know you don’t want children or are allergic to cats (my boyfriend and I never would have dated if I’d owned a cat instead of a dog because he’s severely allergic to cats).
6. Read the profiles of your potential mates carefully: Just as you took a lot of time and energy to write a good profile for yourself, so did a lot of other people. And just like you, those people are trying to communicate to you and the rest of their potential mates what they bring to the relationship table. Don’t you both deserve to have your profiles read carefully and thoroughly? After all, if online dating profiles are a part of the whole online dating process, why skip that step? For those who put some real thought into their profiles, there’s some really valuable information there.
7. Don’t be afraid to make the first move: Do “traditional” dating rules apply in online dating (i.e. men make the first move)? Truthfully, I don’t think traditional dating rules should apply in offline dating. If you are interested in someone, make a move.
8. Write a quality first message: We all know competition is fierce in the online dating world, so why waste time writing non-memorable introductory messages? A commenter on my “Three Mistakes …” piece said someone kept messaging them the word “hi.” Just “hi.” I don’t think that really “wowed” them.
This is one of the most difficult areas on which to give advice because this is the “coffee” of the online dating world (if you skipped the intro to this piece and went straight to the tips, this reference probably made no sense). This was my introductory message strategy:
Hi, [insert name],
I read your profile and really like that [insert a hobby, activity, job – something you liked about that person that made you think they might make a good match for you]. I’d really like a chance to get to know you. If you get a chance, please take a minute to read my profile to see if you’d like to get to know me as well.
Hope to hear from you soon!
So what are the elements of this message that appealed to me? I liked messages that were personal but not creepy personal, like the messages in which men would describe in gross detail how we’d live our lives together based on what they read in my profile. There’s something to be said about keeping your introductory message brief and casual. The personal touch shows you’re genuinely interested, but the brevity and non-committal tone shows you know you’re special, too, so you’re willing to walk away. Personally, I didn’t like to feel pressured; I wanted the chance to really get to know people before deciding if I wanted to date them, so men who offered the same kind of casual confidence really got my attention.
9. Be patient: People have different commitments in their lives, and online dating isn’t always at the very top. Sometimes you’ll receive responses right away. Most of the time? Well, most of the time you probably won’t even get a response. Don’t let that faze you. That is not a personal reflection on you. Remember what you’re up against (now’s a good time to refer back to my “Three Mistakes …” piece to read about some of the behaviors that turn women off to online dating). Women frequently receive messages that are sexually crude or downright mean and nasty. Most of these women are seeking long-term relationships, so this type of behavior often causes them to isolate their interactions to only the men they are interested in. It’s not fair to you, but that’s the reality you’re facing.
Many people turn to online dating because they simply don’t have the time to date in the traditional sense (i.e. going on date after date after date to find “the one”). That means they also don’t have time to answer every single message they receive in their inbox. Other people like to use online dating as a buffer that allows them to pick and choose who they interact with, and that’s not always going to be you. But that’s okay.
Bottom line: It’s natural to become discouraged every once in awhile, but don’t let it get you down for too long. Offline or online, dating is flat out hard, but remember you’re still a worthy mate for someone out there. You just need to have the patience to find that person, wherever they are.
10. Be graceful with rejection: As I said in Tip #9, dating is discouraging. I hear men say all the time that online dating is not fair because the male/female ratio is so skewed. Men tell me all the time they hardly ever receive responses to their messages, while women’s inboxes are completely inundated with messages every day. I don’t have enough data to back that statement up, and, honestly, I don’t feel that I need any data to back that statement up. Obviously men’s experiences with online dating have made them feel this way, regardless of data. So how do you deal with this problem?
Accept the harsh reality of online dating and make it your mission to be graceful with rejection. You can’t change the landscape, so why let it drive you to bitterness? You’re better than that. As I said before, you’re going to get discouraged. That’s only natural. But don’t allow yourself to remain in that state, and don’t allow that discouragement to affect the way you interact with people on the site you’re using. We’re all guilty of it; I’m guilty of it. Let’s all vow to be better.
These 10 pieces of advice are just the tip of the iceberg. There’s so much more about online dating to discuss, such as the differences in the ways men and women experience online dating. You’ve heard from me; now it’s your turn. Let’s keep the conversation going.
Great article from The Good Men Project - Thanks!

Friday, 4 October 2013

Men & Dating: Women’s Four Biggest Turn-offs

No matter how many romantic movies we see, dating shows we watch, books we read or relationships we have, men and women fail to understand one another. Love is a battlefield, and dating is warfare. Single men and women struggle with a curse of first dates with no follow up, misread signals and are generally clueless. Especially while dating, men and women want to be mind readers. One of the biggest questions singles have is what are turn-ons or turn-offs?

Men may be led to believe that women want a tall man with an impressive salary and six-pack abs. Sure, women may look for physical attractiveness or financial stability, but there’s also male characteristics that women don’t want. If you’re a man who’s serious about dating and want to know some things you may be doing that drives women away, then keep reading.


False confidence disappoints a gal. Confidence is attractive and when it’s not authentic, what a bummer. If beneath that wall of false confidence exists an ocean of insecurities, then you may not stand a chance with continuing this courtship. Most women don’t expect a man to excel at all aspects of his life, from his career to his appearance; however, we do appreciate self-awareness, acceptance and assurance. Men who suffer from self pity or low self-esteem need not apply.


The ego can be dangerous. We can be subconsciously fueled by our ego without even realizing. Men who need their egos stroked and boosted and who need a woman to do so are exhausting and pathetic. Women don’t like needy men just as much as men don’t like needy women, and a need to feed the ego is more toxic than a need for attention. When your birthday rolls around, do you feel so self-important that you expect an expensive party decked out with happy birthday decorations and fireworks? Then get over yourself or you’ll never get a woman under you. Instead, do those things for her birthday and she will give you all the thanks you need to feel important and special.


Relationships are give and take, and when the man prefers to take, take, take a woman will run. When a woman dates, she’s innately built to try to find someone who can be a strong provider. Turned off by the idea of single women looking for her husband and father of her future children? Get used to it because it’s natural and biological. Whether we’re aware of it or not, women are attracted to someone who can care for a family. If you’re only focused on your own wants and needs, then disqualify yourself from the dating game. You’re better off in this relationship with yourself.


Honesty really is the best policy, I can’t stress that enough. Women want, appreciate and can handle the truth. Are you guilty of uttering the words, “let’s do this again, I’ll call you,” after a first date without any intentions of following up? Do you tend to tell someone whom you’re dating what they want to hear just to make them happy and maintain your good-standing position? The solution is simple: tell the truth because no matter how hard it is to tell or hear the truth, it doesn’t mislead or confuse anyone.
Thanks to for this article!

Tuesday, 1 October 2013

The ABC's Of Romance!

Attention. Everyone needs/wants attention. Pay attention to the object of your affection. You'll end up with more affection! Balance. Who wants to spend time with a one dimensional non-entity. Variety is the spice of life. If you are a football addict, try a symphony concert. Allow a reasonable time for the various phases of life--work, play, worship, family, study. Christ. The relationship that starts with Jesus at the center has a much better chance of lasting that one that is 'self' centered. Diamonds. Jewels are nice, gold is nice, material possessions are nice, but remember this: Someone asked the accountant of John D. Rockefeller how much the tycoon had left when he died. The accountant said, "Everything!" John D. didn't take a thing with him. Neither will you. Look for the diamonds in people. Much more valuable than the fleeting ones that sparkle. Enthusiasm. Everyone gets excited when a super excited person is around. The word enthusiasm comes from two Greek words, 'en' meaning 'in', and 'theos' meaning 'God'. Thus it means literally "God within". If you have God within you, you are really alive--full of life and vitality. And it shows to the people around you. Freedom. Everyone wants freedom. The first place to be free is in your own mind. If you are mentally/spiritually free; no one can imprison you. What is hard is to let the other persons in your life be free, too. To be completely free, you must allow others to be free as well. Give. Share good news. Be willing to share the bad news of the other person. Learn empathy--stronger than sympathy. Sympathy says, "That's too bad." Empathy says, "That hurts me, too. Let me help you fix it." Give of yourself. Giving flowers is nice. Cooking a meal for your love is nice. Giving of yourself, wholly, completely is true love. Heaven. Very few people are willing to do right now to go to heaven. But we all want to find heaven on earth. I have good news. It can be done! If you practice the Golden Rule, an amazing thing will happen. First, the people in your life will start treating you better. Second, you will like yourself better. Importance. Everyone is important. "God don't make no junk." If you treat a person as if he/she is extremely precious, behold, that person will start acting as if he/she is precious. What follows is you will start getting treated as if you are extremely precious, too. (Aren't you?) Join. Join in life. Join your friend in fixing the broken washing machine. Join in having a picnic. Join in prayer. Join in singing. Join in visiting a relative of your friend in the hospital. Join in sharing romance. (Real romance is sharing life--not just the candlelight dinner times.) Knock. Jesus said, "Knock and it shall be opened unto you..." He did not say, "Sit on your duff and I will bring everything to you." If you want to have something, you have to make an effort. Jesus feeds the birds, and will take perfect care of you, too. But even the bird has to open its mouth if it wants to eat. If you want a good romance, or anything else, you need to work at it. Laundry. The shirts get dirty, so do the socks and all the rest. It would be interesting to see the results if we could compile statistics on how many relationships go on the rocks because of laundry--or some other mundane chore. It doesn't matter who does the laundry (or dishes or oil changes or ??), but someone has to. The important thing is that such things are done in a way that is satisfactory to both parties. The key is communication. Talk to each other. Learn what is important. Get inside the other person's head. Major. Most of us major in minors. That is, we get the important things and the trivia all mixed up. Does it really matter whether you eat at 5 o'clock or 6 o'clock? Yet many arguments start over such small things. Find ways to neutralize the minor things. The major things will take care of themselves. You each want to squeeze the toothpaste from opposite ends of the tube? Buy a tube for each of you and stop fussing about how your love squeezes it. Newness. Ah, the thrill of a new romance! The sky is brighter, the air is clearer, your step is springier. The trick is to keep it 'new'. As humans we have a tendency to want more, to want different than whatever we already have. Remember that tendency in your courting. When you are romancing your new love, you try to do all you can to make life exciting and fun for your hoped-to-be significant other. What you need to do is to "keep on truckin'" "keep on courtin'". Don't ever stop! No matter how many years you date/have been married; keep on courting. Otherwise, it will get OLD. Old. People like new things, not old things. So don't allow your relationship to become one of the 'old' things. Even after a marriage of 50 or 60 years, the moon looks a lot better when it's shared walking hand in hand. Keep on courtin'. Promise. Some people operate on the basis of "promise them anything". Politicians for sure do. Trouble is when the politicians don't deliver on the promises, the voters become unhappy/disillusioned. So do lovers! Promise only what you intend to keep. Then KEEP YOUR PROMISES. Quench. We're all thirsty for love. As the song says, "What the world needs now is love, sweet love. It's the only thing there's just not enough of." I've never met anyone who told me they had too much love. I've also found the only way to get more love is to give some away. (I'm talking true love here. Not a jealous love or possessive love. [Jealousy/possessiveness is not love anyway--it's the opposite.] Don't confuse 'love' with desire for the other person or lust either.) You can quench the thirst for love of your intended love by simple acts. Say, "Thank you." or, "I like it when you smile that way." or, "You surely did a good job on that _____." Revere. As Rodney said, "I don't get no respect." Most of us don't get enough respect. We all need to be valued as persons. Value the person you 'love'. If you don't respect him/her, how can you say you love him/her? Scrabble. Were we getting too serious? Lighten up. Life is to be enjoyed. Jesus spent as much time at dinner parties as he spent in Sermons on the Mount. Play scrabble, or volleyball, or go skiing, or just play for the sake of playing. Tell a joke. Let your love know you are a real, honest-to-goodness human. Trouble. It comes to every life. Like joy, trouble is better when shared. Unlike joy, it's better if you don't dump yours on others. Much better to keep your antennae out to share the trouble of the people around you. Help to lighten their load. Umbrella. Aetna Insurance offers hold an umbrella over us to keep the storms of life from being as severe. Why not hold an umbrella over your 'love' to soften the storms. Vitamins. Did you take your vitamins today? 'Vita' is Latin for 'life'. So did you add life to your being today? More, did you add life to the being to the person you love today? A glass of water served with love will do it. A compliment will do it. A hug will do it. A kiss will do it. Walk. Walking is good for your physical health. Walking together is good for the health of your relationship. I've lived in the same house for seven years. My next door neighbors, Paul and Connie, go walking down our sidewalk every afternoon when Paul comes home from work. I love to watch them. They have been married 28 years. They hold hands while they walk like brand new lovers. Xenophobic. (A strong dislike/distrust of strangers.) You won't have much romance until you start liking people. God made something good in everyone. Look for the good in people around you. Yes. It's a magical word. Everyone wants to hear it. Say it whenever you can. More than 'saying' yes, also do 'yes'--find ways to help, ways to "go the extra mile". Zest for life. Without zest, you are not really alive. With it, life is wonderful, people are wonderful, and you can enjoy heaven on earth even now. Come alive. Discover how great everything can be. Life is either an exciting adventure--or nothing. Your life can be exciting. If you come alive, everyone around you will love you more. Try it and see.

Now try!